Sun 11 Oct 2026
Thanks to the Brentwood Group for our new Colts Shirts and Adam Wearing for this match report.
There’s a well worn cliche in sports commentary that a struggling team has a mountain to climb. Demonstrating an admirable Yorkshire literalism, the good burghers of Old Brodleians RFC have turned this into a material reality, making their opposition don their crampons and unfurl their ropes to get to a pitch where taller players have their heads in the mesosphere; the Hipperholme Maracana as it is no doubt colloquially referred to.
Resplendent in their new white and green hooped shirts, which, in a first for the chosen supplier, had been delivered almost for the start of the season, our heroes bounded up the north face of the Old Brods second pitch to be faced with approximately 17 Brodleians and a single viking, presumably lost on his way back from Yorvik and thrust into service. A strong Roundhegians team had been assembled with Ethan declaring himself fit just moments before kick-off, much to the delight of the away support, only some of whom were his relations.
The well drilled pack that had made short work of Leys the weekend before at the Memorial Ground were immediately frustrated however as the referee informed them that, despite being constituted of approximately 6% viking, the Old Brods team had been unable to find a front row and therefore scrums were to be uncontested. This baffled some of the more vocal away supporters, but a key advantage had been snatched from the Hegians’ toolkit. No matter, with Jack starting on the bench, Andrew took the metaphorical armband, shook the physical hands, won the toss and kicked us off; the men in green on the charge.
The Hegians ultras didn’t have long to wait for something to celebrate with Stan beating tackle after tackle before being finally brought down a few yards short of the line. Dan D picked up the loose ball to dive under the sticks, getting clattered round the head from the OB defender for his trouble. Andrew slotted the first conversion of the afternoon. 0-7 after ninety seconds.
The greedy green fans were treated to more points just four minutes later with James RT bursting through the right hand flank from half way, dummying the full back and racing across to touch down under the posts. Andrew thunked the two-pointer into what looked like the local fly tip. 0-14, fun in the sun.
Whilst scrums were uncontested, line outs were not. Old Brods showed a true Corinthian spirit in throwing quite a number of them to our Hegians heroes, no doubt as some kind of defensive test for themselves. All-action-Andrew was granted one of these gifts on the half way line. The green forwards showed the benefit of running hard and straight, getting to the opposition try line in a handful of phases before the Noah crashed over for his first points of the afternoon. A tough conversion opportunity was not quite taken but at 0-19 and with the half-time cockerell yet to crow, the boys from north Leeds were sitting pretty.
In the final act of the half the indefatigable Dan D picked and went from the back of a scrum on his own 22, pushing through the Andrex-like Old Brods backs to score a glorious 70 yard solo effort. The travelling support were ecstatic (or maybe just struggling for oxygen at the great elevation). The OB boys had been very unsportingly charging at the conversion kicks all afternoon and this time got lucky knocking down Jack’s first attempt of the match. 0-24.
With their minds perhaps on the half-time satsuma segments our glorious boys in green allowed OB to pop over the try line. 7-24 at the break.
The second half started relatively quietly with at least five minutes before Dan D broke down the left, passed to Speedy Sam who managed to get a Pollock-esque goose step into his charge for the line. A simple kick for Jack. 7-31.
Sam added another a couple of minutes later to leave Jack with a much harder attempt. No trouble for the ice-man who calmly slotted it home. He even gallantly made it bounce off the fence to save the opposition a trip back down the mountain to collect. 7-38 and it seemed the result was in little doubt.
Jack’s right boot continued to dominate proceedings with a lovely box kick across to the right wing. A kind bounce to James RT, a well executed pass to Seth and we were over for another between the sticks. Simple stuff done well. Not an OB player within ten yards. More extras for Jack. 7-45.
There then followed a couple of mystery refereeing decisions near the Hegians tryline which baffled the knowledgeable away support but, ultimately, came to nought.
There was just time for a contribution from the fans’ favourite Ethan who barrelled into the defence with so much momentum he seemed to roll across the line from about ten yards out. 7-50. The referee gave the OB skipper the option to hit the showers and he took it, saving their collective energy for the next fixture. Handshakes and applause all round.
Another convincing dub, Roundhegians Colts go into their mini-season break full of confidence and fighting fit .
